Heaven help us: a pictorial primer for Ron Howard's Angels and Demons

See Tom Hanks.

Tom is torn between good and evil.

This is the Vatican,

home of the Catholic church,

and the Pope.

It is also the setting for Angels and Demons.

Thanks to the plot taken from the Dan Brown novel,

the Vatican has much skullduggery going on.

Skullduggery, skullduggery, skullduggery,

And the secret society known as the Illuminati

last seen in Tomb Raider,

has now kidnapped 5 preferrati Cardinals

after the Pope's death.

The Italian police keep finding men burning

in churches and stuff.

The Italians need help.

So where do the Italians go

in search of their savior?

To America, of course!

This is Robert Langdon,

the Catholic Church's savior.

Robert is played by the likable

but jowly Tom Hanks.

As a Harvard professor of symbology,

he's a bit like Indiana Jones,

minus the hat, the smirk,

and the ability to fight Nazis.

Even though Robert is happy

to help the Vatican,

he does not believe in God.

Quelle irony!

See Robert Langdon and Vittoria Vetra look up.

Vittoria (Ayelet Zurer) gets involved

due to some complicated subplot

involving antimatter

that can explode like a bomb.

Robert and Vittoria search through Rome

for the secrets of the Illuminati

to save the kidnapped Cardinals.

They are not, however, romantically involved,

because she's a little young for Hanks,

and besides there's too much skullduggery

for any brief moment of hanky panky.

Now, Rome can be a great place,

a place where you can eat great meals,

like this bowl of spaghetti carbonara,

but Robert and Vittoria don't have time to eat

thanks to the film's breakneck suspenseful pace

and pounding heavenly choir soundtrack,

and the ever-present possibility of another

dead Cardinal appearing in a most awkward place.

All Robert and Vittoria have time for

is to run and find clues

in various churches.

Run, run, run.

Here's Robert running some more.

Curiously enough, Robert finds most of many of clues

from pointing religious statues.

Will Robert and Vittoria find those evil Illuminati

before they kill all of the Cardinals?

Will the new Pope ever be elected

with the sign of the white smoke?

I won't say, but you can bet

that things get really exciting

with many plot twists

and clues deciphered

and lots of old men on fire

before you'll arrive at the thrilling

apocalyptic climax of Angels and Demons.